dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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