So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
