??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
