Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
