The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
