That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
