plz talk dirty to me
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
