Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just want to make out with him forever
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
