Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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