this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
