ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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