well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Randomize
