I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
