Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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