you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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