Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
