This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
