Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
