Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
