I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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