so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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