why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
