Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's shark week go big or go home
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
