I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
