You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
