I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
