i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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