So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
