sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
