we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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