I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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