We're like a lot better than the average bears
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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