Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
