I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
