I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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