why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
