I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
