we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
