a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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