I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
