8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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