I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
