ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
