were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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