dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
