I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Everything about him screamed your future.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
