is your mom at the bar?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
