i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
