SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
