1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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