it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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