I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
