So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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