nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
