You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
