i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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